May 2019 - Meditation as a coping mechanism

As already noted in previous blogs, the main reason why I struggled so much with the uncertainty about the future was represented by my inability to stop my brain from speculating about the possible results of the next scan or blood test. I could imagine for example, a sudden reversal in the downward trend of my tumour marker, which could mean that the cancer had become resistant to chemotherapy, which in turn could imply that my dream of getting to surgery may never come true.

Once I started thinking about these possible scenarios, I found it practically impossible to make my brain disengage, resulting in considerable stress and suffering.

This is where the practice of meditation came to help. Following the initial lead received from Gianluca Vialli, I read a few books on the topic, the most influential of which in my case has been “Why Buddhism is True: The Science and Philosophy of Meditation and Enlightenment” by Robert Wright, a well-known journalist, who has written successful books about science, history, politics, and religion. See more here.

Despite the reference to Buddhism, the book is not about religion. On the contrary, the author sets out the philosophical foundations of Buddhism and he complements these with his knowledge of modern neuroscience and psychology to point to ways in which we can reduce our suffering, gain more self-control and live a happier life.

In this context, he discusses at length how meditation can help to achieve these objectives. Meditation is a mental training practice which, among other things, can help the meditator to recognise recurring and circular thoughts about possible future developments for what they really are: mere speculations.

Crucially, the realisation that spending significant amounts of time thinking about different possible scenarios (for example, an increase in the tumour marker by 10, 100, 1000 points!) is a complete waste of time can help to stop, or at least control, these negative thoughts.

In my case, thanks to the practice of meditation, it has become somewhat easier over time to recognise these thoughts as they initially arise and, instead of allowing myself to painfully build entire storylines around each of them, I have progressively become able to let them go.

An image that works particularly well for me is to identify negative/speculative thoughts as clouds on a windy day, which can be observed arriving from a distance and then quickly disappear in the horizon.

There are a number of apps that can be used to learn and to practice meditation. The one I have been relying on is called Calm.

I try to meditate each morning for around 10 minutes. This involves closing my eyes and focus my attention on my breathing. During the first few sessions, my mind would immediately get distracted by a myriad of different thoughts. Over time, however, I managed to gain more control over those thoughts and quickly switch back to the present moment, focusing again on the breathing.

In short, I see meditation as a form of training similar to the sessions I do at the gym, the difference being that, instead of my body, it is my brain that is getting the exercise. And this form of mental training is increasingly allowing me to gain better control over my negative thoughts.

Specifically, I tend to think about the next set of scans or the next blood test much less than I used to. On the actual day of the test, my ability to control my thoughts typically collapses again but, apart from that my mental wellbeing has definitely improved.

Furthermore, I have noticed that meditation has increased my ability to stay focussed on what I am doing at any point in time (e.g. performing a task in the office or playing a game with the children) without getting distracted by disturbing thoughts.

All in all, I have hugely benefited from the practice of meditation – I am not suggesting that this is likely to work for everyone but, in my view, it is definitely worth having a go at it!